It took 30+ years for my wife to figure out why I didn’t enjoy my time in the Navy. It took me just as long.
After nearly not graduating high school in 1982, I did a six month program to learn how to be a dental laboratory technician. That field attracted me because it was similar to my favorite hobby growing up: model building and painting miniatures.
I did great in lab school. Unfortunately there was a bad recession on at the time and nobody was hiring lab techs out of school. My instructors were all retired Navy dental lab techs and encouraged me to look into the Navy. The recruiter I spoke with “guaranteed” me lab school upon graduation from dental assisting school. I learned the hard way that recruiters don’t guarantee anything. Now I was in a career field as a dental assistant and stuck for the next 5 years.
When I met my wife, who was also on active duty in 1989, I had just finished my first tour overseas. I didn’t want to stay in, but I had no real transferrable skills, so I reenlisted for shore duty in Long Beach, CA. My attitude in general was poor. It was obvious.
After four more years of working in patient care, we transferred to the island of Guam. For the first time, I didn’t have to work with a dentist. I had freedom. It felt good.
Then for my last tour, things again fell apart. I finished two college degrees in hopes of becoming an officer but decided to walk after 15 years. I wanted more space for creativity and freedom.
As a management consultant, I had the freedom I always wanted. Having my own business meant exciting travel, interesting clients, and a wide array of problems to solve.
And yet, nothing allowed me to explore my long dormant creativity like doing workshops. Combining teaching and illustrations was a great companion to consulting.
This has been my life since 1999. It’s been a good one.
But these past few years reintroduced me to art. The Bikablo courses led me to doing pastels and watercolors. Most recently I discovered sculpting and pottery.
And then last month my wife asked me to decorate some mugs she had thrown on her wheel. I came up with some cool concepts and went to work. Most of the time I did this on the three nights she teaches a weightlifting class in town. Each night when she returned, I had a new creation for her.
She was dazzled. She was overwhelmed. It was as if she suddenly discovered I had a hidden gift. Every idea she came up with for a decoration was taken to the next level. I combined painting with Sgraffito. Anything and everything was on the table.
And then it dawned on me. Painting details on these mugs was like hand painting miniature figures and military models. It was my comforting hobby growing up from about age seven until I started high school at 14. I would lose myself in the hobby and the hours flew by. And I was relaxed and recharged.
Just like when I was painting and carving the mugs.
I told my wife, “Can you see now why I was so unhappy being a chairside dental assistant? The lab is where I wanted to be. Creating something beautiful rather than assisting another artist (the dentist) by handing them the tools and sucking up the blood and spit.”
And then the moment of clarity.
“Wow,” she replied, while holding up and admiring a mug I decorated. “The Navy really screwed up.”
And then it was over.
But the clarity was there. I knew and she knew.
I am an artist.
I was an average sailor. I would have made an unremarkable officer.
I can do consulting. I can do training. I’m pretty good at both.
But art is who I am and what I do best. That is clear.
There is peace in clarity.
I think it’s because in that moment a person doesn’t just KNOW clarity, they can SEE it. FEEL it. SMELL it. TASTE it. EXPERIENCE it. LIVE it. EMBRACE it.
What if we could do the same with empathy?
I wonder what discoveries you might make this week that give you some clarity?
Better yet, I wonder what we can all do to communicate better with clarity?
